Behind closed eyelids

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?’

This is another song that makes me laugh. Don’t act like this wasn’t your jam before they got caught lip singing (and then secretly still after that).  The light skinned one was TOTALLY my boyfriend when I was a kid. And I thought it went well with what I’m feeling, but just the chorus though. I can’t listen to the words without falling into fits of giggles.

Today was not a good day. My day became one internecine (like that word) experience after another. Lucky for me no one else has been hurt in the process of me self imploding (that I know of). The hardest thing I did today was get out of bed. That made me miss my first class, which made me unprepared for my second class, which made me be unable to follow most of what was going on for the first half of class. After the break I was fine but that’s an hour and a half of just staring into nothing-ness pretending I know what this Deaf lady is saying. The worse part is that out of all of these happenstances, I can’t even summon up the energy to care. I want to care, because I’m a nerd and school is my drug of choice. I missed my favorite class and mid terms start this week (mine aren’t for two weeks) and on Thursday I have to have a progress conference with my professor (yay me |>). Then something happened that was so profoundly grotesque and embarrassing, that I can’t even put it in the blog. Only professionals that are legally bound in silence will ever find out what happened.

I’ve explained the flag (|>) in a previous post so… not gonna do it again. Go back and read about it in the definitions (R.I.F.)

It’s a heady thing to realize that in all my efforts to NOT be like my mother I ended up with some of her bad traits anyway (see previous post to explain that one too). I did cry today, which was really annoying. You’d think it would be soul cleansing, but no. I liken it to rain in Missouri; unpredictable in its arrival and uncalled for in its brevity.

No, today was not a good day, but there is always tomorrow where new beginnings start.

Ok, so the title had a little to do with the post, but just a little. I picked this song because it made me laugh (wait for it) a lot. With my past exhuming itself last week, I’ve been searching my mind for files of memories that made me smile or laugh that have no unpleasant repercussions. This song makes me think of one. It was a random Saturday night and I got off work early. I was suppose to be going to this party but ended up on the couch at my friends house watching old 80s and early 90s videos. It was soooo much fun. I hadn’t laughed that hard in a minute. It was me, Raquita, Jerry (her husband), and April, I think Blue was there but I can’t remember. You may or may not know the afore mentioned people, but know a good time was had. I’m still looking for that 5 Star jacket.

Sidebar: How much do I love my etymology class? Words, it’s a class of words. (insert mad scientist laugh here)

So, my short term goal is to live moment by moment. Take the good with the bad, celebrate my small victories, and write at least three times a week. Well, nothing bad happened today that was within my scope of being that couldn’t be delt with immediately. The good thing is I did not cry today. Small victory for me since last week. If I didn’t know any better, I’d claim PMS. Which is interesting because I don’t cry, I mean I’m human, I am capable of the emotional outlet but I do it rarely. So, no tears, no one got cursed out or fired, so all in all it was a decent day. I didn’t get all my homework done (I know, I’m a bad kid) but I’m about 90% done.

I still don’t have any answers yet, but they’ll come when I need them most.  I’m working on implementing the moving on part.

No song title or verse this time. Most songs have and intro and sometimes, unfortunately, the intro is better than the song itself (sad but true).

This is the last week of August, and so many things have happened since I last blogged that I’m thinking of doing like four blogs in row (I have lots to day)

Sidebar:Why are McNasty (’scuse, McDonalds) apple dippers the jones? I mean I know their just apples with preservatives so they don’t turn brown, but dude I’ve had like four bags in two days (who knew preservatives were so tasty?). And even more disturbing is that I’m okay with paying $1 for the convience of not having to cut and slice my own apple. I really am a lazy git sometimes.

Plus size woman: “Ok so, can I get the sweet and sour chicken but with no breading on the chicken, just like chicken strips?

Server: Yes

PS Woman: Awesome, I’ll take a large order of that, no breading, I just like the sauce.”

(it’s not over)

PS Woman: Ok, so I need that and do you have General Tso’s Chicken but with no breading? Can you just boil the chicken

Server: No boil, is stir fry

PS Woman: But can I still get the chicken with no breading?

Server: Yes

PS Woman: Ok, awesome, I’ll take a large order of that too. And some cookies, I just love cookies. And a diet coke. That’s all.”

If you don’t know this is a Teddy Pendergrass song, I really don’t know what to say about your musical education.  I mean come on now, Teddy P?

Alright, so we all no how I like the mornings, right (|>)? Well, like most people I have a morning ritual: hit the snooze twice, lay in bed while I figure out what I want to wear to work, fall back to sleep, hit the snooze again, cure the heavens for the work week, get out of bed.

Symbol:     |>    Definition: This icon is primary used by myself and my best friend. This is a sarcasm flag. We both love sports (especially football) so a lot of times when we go off on tangents we use sports terminology. But when we’re gmail-ing and texting we often use the sarcasm flag to show that were are, in fact, being facetious (or jackasses, ya konw what ev’s).

So, I’m taking care of my morning absolutions and I go to the kitchen to get some OJ. When I open the fridge, the light it out.  So like any half sleep zombie, I close the refrigerator and open it again (thinking it just needed a warning that I wanted juice and the light should be on now).  Of course the light doesn’t come back on so I unscrew the bulb, shake it, and put it on the counter. Thinking I need to go to the Home Depot to get a replacement bulb this weekend. I walk to my bed room to get ready & I realize the light switch is in the on positions but the lights aren’t on.  So I’m thinking I slept with the light on & it burned out (remember, it’s morning and my brain is on dial-up, not wireless DSL). It finally dawns on me to check the rest of the electricals in the house. Sure enough, the power is out. I checked outside but there doesn’t appear to be any inclement weather happening before my eyes. I call the electric company, thinking I may have forgotten to pay a bill. But at the same time thinking I haven’t forgotten to pay that many bills the power would be off.

End the end, there was an outage in my area and they were working on it. I end up wearing sweats and a t-shirt to my very corporate job. I’m all ready with a great excuse for my current state of dress, when I see half the people in my office in jeans (insert Scooby voice here…err?) Turns out the head guy is a major cardinals fan (poor guy, although the last couple of games weren’t bad) and since the all star game was tonight, we all had a casual day. I totally missed this memo.

Did I black out or something?

So I was walking out of this building, taking care of some errands, when this old guy is walking toward me:

Man: “Awww, you look like that singer. Damn, what’s her name? The fine one. What is her name? Macy Gray, naw dat ain’t her name.”

Me: Jill scott?

Man: Yeah, that her, Jill Scott. And you got pretty toes too. Praise Jesus, I’mo be right here waiting for you to get back. Girl, I give you all my food stamps…

Yeah…now, I’ve gotten this Jill Scott comment before. I’m honored, I think Ms. Scott is not only beautiful, but has an amazing voice. I own every CD she’s put out (someof them twice). My grandmother has also stolen said CDs under the pretense of “confisaction”. However I’ve never been offered food stamps as homage to her likeness. 

There are no words.

I totally owe anyone a drink if they know where this song title comes from. I won’t tell you till tomorrow (or maybe the next day). Now the rules for this drink are contingent upon you all not going to IMBD or using the internet to get the answer.

The reason for the title…my grandmother or MaG as she is affectionately called. Now, if you know me, you know that I’m not too big on my family. I am sometimes envious of my best friends family because they’re so close.  I am literally the black sheep of my family, so black I’m smoke. Some of it is my own doing (mostly for survival) but I could make more of an effort to be close to them. If you knew me long ago though, then the fact that I talk to my grandmother is a BIG thing (see I’m growing).

What’s amazing to me, is that even though I don’t deal with my family a whole lot, I know that as my elders get older I will do whats necessary to take care of them in any way I can. It’s my job. They took care of me when I was growing up  (well sort of) and when they need it it will be my turn to take care of them.

Having said all that, I find that sometimes when I talk to my grandmother I feel as though I’m an elder scolding a junior? That and having to repeat myself over and over again. I mean seriously should I be telling my elder she should be making a budget of her income? I would think it should be the other way around.

Can you put your grandparents on punishment? You know, take away they’re cell phone so they can’t call their BFF Rose. Restrict their solitaire privileges on the computer, no Y&R for a week ( I mean are Nikki & Victor still together). Something until they do what they’re suppose to do & not drive me to beat my head against the steering wheel of my car when I listen to the four voice mail messages that randomly get cut off as they talk to the mailbox like I’m really there. Then forget to turn the cell phone off so I have ten minutes of just randomness.

I mean, I love her, she taught me how to drink, shoot, and cook but sometimes (I swear foe christmas ) that woman could piss off a statue.

Why do they them call animal crackers? They ‘re sweet, sweet crackers are usually called cookies. And seeing as how they’re sold in the cookie isle it’s kinda false advertizing. Maybe I wanted to eat a salty styled animal from the zoo, but now I can’t because you made them out of enriched wheat flour and high fructose corn syrup (that there makes it a cookie, pimp).

Just sayin.

If a fish sandwich sold at a fast food place is made up of breaded fish to begin with, then why do they then put it between two more pices of bread? It’s like a carb nightmare.

However, carb coma or no, on a random craving them shits are the jones. Have them add tomato & lettuce…forget about it.

That is all.