There’s a fine line
Outkast is the Jones and have been since they started underground. Cee-Lo, Erykah Badass, Big Rube, I love them all.
I started to title this post “Shake that load off” from this song but got on a tangent (like I am want to do) and changed it. That’s what I’m trying to do in my life, shake things off. I am finding that 2011 has become the year of reflection for me. I’m reflecting on everything: myself, my relationships, my job, my spirituality. Not necessarily in that order. I am also a little upset with myself that it’s taking so long to find clarity and a solution.
Most recently I’ve been looking at my friends. Seeing which ones to keep and which ones to let go. It’s not as nefarious as it sounds. I don’t have a chart with their names on it checking off the pros and cons of being in my circle. I’m not that important. I will say this though, I have a hard time letting my friends go. If I consider you a friend, that’s it, we’re friends forever. I know that isn’t a fair assessment or typically true. There are people that will be in your life forever that aren’t family. But there will also be people in your life for a season. They’re there to teach you something. Whether it’s a lesson about yourself, life, or the world, they’re not meant to be in your life forever. I have a hard time with this. My friends have always been my safety blanket. I stopped going to my family early in life to get affirmations and advise, comfort and productive instructions. Normally, growing up I did the opposite of what I saw my family do, with the exception of church. I use to go to church with my grandmother when I was younger but she stopped going and I didn’t go again until my aunt met her now ex-husband in my adolescence. I haven’t been to church regularly in about 5 years (which is probably why I’m so confused). Now, I tried posting a question on facebook but got no real responses. But I really want to know, when is it time to sever a relationship and let your friends go their separate ways?
I have been so over abundantly blessed when it comes to friends. My grandmother has always told me, “In life you will have few friends. You can count them on one hand and still have fingers left over.” I guess this is true. I try not to use the “friend” term too loosely. I think, like with most things, there are degrees of friends. But then, can they really be called your “friend”? I have people that I know, so when I see them on the street I will say hi and ask how they are (and actually care about the response). I have people that I associate with that I probably wouldn’t talk to socially. There are close associates that I would interact with but on a limited bases. Then I have my Friends (yes capital ‘F’). People that I go to with problems and use them as a sound board , hang out with on a random Tuesday, or make sure I call them and check on them if I haven’t heard from them in a while. These are the people I don’t have to talk to all the time but I know if I needed them they would be there for me in a breath. I don’t question the loyalty of their friendship. Some I’ve known for so long they’re not my friends anymore they’re my family.
Where my conflict comes from is when these people I considered my Friends stop being my Friends and become just people I know. A Friend of mine once equated those who fell from the capitol ‘F’ as slush. It’s still snow but its no longer white and pretty and its off to the side so it won’t be in the way. I don’t know when to let go. It does get frustrating to always be the person who checks up on people. Then as humans we like to get filled with righteous indignation (*snicker* sorry, private joke) when you don’t call them. “Why haven’t you called me?” “Why don’t I see you anymore?” I usually respond with, phones work two ways. They can dial out as well as receive calls. It makes me sad. Mainly, because they never offer any sort of reason why the stopped coming around. So you don’t know if you slighted them in some way, there’s no closure. Other times the reasons are clear and you know why they’re gone. I’m not referring to those instances. I’m referring to those instances where its hard for me to delete their contact info from my phone or un-friend/hide them on facebook. I remember their birthdays, I’ve slept at their houses, I know their parents, spent holidays with their family, hell I know their secrets and where the bodies are buried.
So what do you do when the people you thought would be next to you in the retirement facility become strangers? You don’t know if the contact info (you don’t want to delete) is even valid anymore. Do they stay in the same house? Has anything happened to them that had you been closer you would have known? When you see their facebook status updates about going out and having one hellacious ball, you wonder why you weren’t included? Did they even think to call and invite you? Maybe its as simple as just growing apart. Maybe something happened (whether you were aware of it or not) that caused a rift in the relationship. For me, I have a 198 contacts listed in my phone. Eighteen of those are doctors, businesses, and work numbers I use often. That leaves 180 people comprised of friends, family, associates, and people I know. Out of those 180 people there are maybe 15 people I talk to with any kind of regularity. And it’s not even every day I don’t talk to anyone on the phone everyday. I might g-chat my bestie every other day but we never shoot the breeze on the phone. Out of these 15 people I may talk to half once a month if not longer.
I don’t know how to resolve this current reflection. Maybe I care too much about people that don’t give me a passing thought. It is a quandary. I wonder dear internets if you are having the same issue I am?
