Living all alone
I miss her. I was still young when she died but I’ve loved music for longer than I can remember and this woman was amazing. I remember being in the car in Vegas on the way to somewhere and heard about her death over the radio.
As the third week in February comes to a close, it is also the third week I have been without a second job. I applied to a couple of different places but they didn’t pan out. I’m trying to stay positive, but I’m feeling restless. I’m not use to having this much time on my hands. The upside is that I get to spend a lot of time with my bestie, the downside is that I find I have a lot of time to myself. I’m a solitary person normally, and normally it isn’t an issue. After much contemplation though, I don’t think I want to be by myself anymore.
Sidebar: I know you can’t see these moments of pause I have as I write this post but the visual I just go in my head after that statement was hilarious. Picture: white flags raising and heralds coming out to blow the horns of triumph as the gates (renaissance style) open and floods of men our through them to collect me. Oh wait, I just found a movie clip…
The movie is called Love Potion #9. One of the Sandra Bullock’s first. Yes, it is a cheesy romance comedy, but I like cheese.
Tangent…ok, I’m back.
I will be the first to admit that I don’t go anywhere to actually meet people. I will also admit to going to a dating website and I gave myself three months, but I didn’t see any profiles from anyone I would want to start communicating. Well, that’s not true there was a couple of people but they never responded back (insert pouty lip here). It’s been a really long time since I was in a relationship. With the last guy I dated, he just stopped coming around and stopped returning my phone calls. I don’t chase men, so I stopped calling. Let me also note that he had been my best guy friend for a decade. Fast forward 5yrs, and he finds me on facebook (big up to the social media…not), and told me he left because he started using drugs but it wasn’t me it was him. (o_0)
In what world would this be a valid reason for disappearing from the face of the earth like a fart in the wind? Anyway, he’s gone and the last pseudo-relationship I had when I moved to current state, lasted for two years….ended. He didn’t vanish like the other one but I did get a lovely text message (|>).
Sidebar: I’ve explained sarcasm flags (|>) in earlier post, so not going to explain them again. Go back and read. *smooches*
I am not a regular chick (big shock there, I know). I’m not really into material things and I can never keep track of our first kiss, first date, first etc. I used to be affectionate in my relationships but after the last two guys I don’t know if that’s changed. I don’t need a keeper or a savior I have God for that. A guy friend of mine once told me I was so easy, I’m complex. I’ll buy that fore a dollar (movie reference, who knows it). I have a low BS tolerance and I find that the guys I have met in my current city have an unwarranted sense of entitlement. I know the ratio here is like 10:1 and if one woman doesn’t take you crap another one will; which is sad. I’m okay being by myself if that’s all there is to offer out here but I also refuse to be with someone for the sake of being with someone.
So there it is internets (aka the 3-4 people who read my blog), I’d like to start dating but I’m afraid I may be too jaded to try. We’ll see how this turns out now that I’ve actually said it out loud.
