Behind closed eyelids

So there is no song or verse that goes with the blog post this time. In the last couple of days I’ve gone through an emotional ringer and I’m trying to come out on the other side of this thing a stronger person. A while back I posted that I lost my best friend (no it isn’t Raquita), my best guy friend. Well he’s back (sort of). I saw him for the first time in a month this past Friday & I have to say, when I saw him I felt…nothing. Not a deep seeded agony, no longing, no anger, I was just…numb. That I didn’t expect. However, true to karmic form that changed. He did apologize for what he did and we did have a dialog. I got to tell him how I felt about the whole situation, but to be honest there was no closure or resolution. I mean, because seriously what can he say really to make it better. This isn’t something a band aide can cover nor a kiss can cure. This situation is relationship altering. I’m not comfortable in his presence anymore. I’m leery of talking to him (which I hate) because I love him. He wants to be friends again and to start talking again. I would love that to because I do miss him but quite frankly as of right now I’m not that big a person. I have to learn him all over again and since right now he isn’t my favorite person, I really don’t have the energy to want to try.

I have posted before that I’m a music head (a big one) I made another play list because my alter ego it screaming for some vindictive pay back. That kind of hurt you like you hurt me, brick through windshield, clothes bleaching & torching on the front lawn, internet picture posting kind of revenge.  Fortunately or unfortunately, I am a firm believer in Karma so I really don’t want her pissed at me so I will settle for making a playlist of revenge-type songs.

Revenge:

1) For Doz That Slept – Black Sheep (Wolf in Sheeps Clothing)

2) With Me (Part 1) – Destiny’s Child (Destiny’s Child)

3) Son of a Gun (remix) – Janet Jackson (All For You)

4) My Little Secret – Excape (Traces of My Lipstick)

5) Bust Your Windows – Jasmine Sullivan ()

6) If Your Girl Only Knew – Aaliya (One in a Million)

7) Mr. Messed Up – Floetry (Floetic)

8 ) Creep – TLC (CrazySexyCool)

9) Booty – Erykah Badu (Mama’s Gun)

10) Little Goodbyes – SheDaisy (The Whole SheBang)

11) Insomnia – Jill Scott (The Real Thing)

Some honorable mentions:

Tyrone – Erykah Badu (live)

I can Be – Aaliya (Aaliya)

Secret Lovers – Atlantic Star ()

Like a Tattoo – Sade ()