Behind closed eyelids

I asked for him to come into my life because I was afraid to love again.
I had loved.
Loved with a passion so fierce it nearly consumed all of me.
I had loved & was in love but, love let doubt creep into its veins so love left, discretely.
Love turned into like, like turned to respect, respect to resentment,
So now
I
Am alone.

So I asked for him to come.
Not to posses & monoploize my thoughts
No false promises of tomorrow & forever
No labels & expectations
Not to love me,
But to just be there, in my presence .

Touch me when I needed to be touched,
Wrap arms around my waist,
Hold me by my hips,
Talk to me when my eardrums craved vocals vibrating from the chords possessing low toned octaves.
Fill me to completion,
Tickle me behind my belly button,
sate thirst, &
share energies.
Be with me
But not apart of me

I understood the risk when I took them
What was at stake
What I could lose
Went in with eyes wide open
Into quicksand
Pulling me toward earths core
Pulling me to the center were flames will lick at the edges of my sanity
Until a shell of what I once was is all that remains

I understood the risk when I took them
I asked for him to come
Knowing this I go willingly
To lose a piece of myself
Again

I haven’t written a poem in a really really really long time. It’s kinda like learning to talk over again, baby steps old girl, baby steps. Here ya go Copa.

There were memories made
4,552 times over
In a tree house
Cooler than the honeycomb hideout
Dark as dungeons in fairy tales, made
In a bed
With a lake in its center

Created by man in the form of release, manipulated
Manually
Flooding sheets, saturating mattresses
Life fluid flows
Quenching those that imbibe
Drowning those that cannot rhythmically tread
Senses high on blue flavored smoke

Lips kissed swollen
Heat emanating from skin like rays of summer sun
Perspiration forming steam from flesh
Movements crest, making tidal waves envious
Constant contact creating claps, thunderous
Fingers sticky, honeyed by feminine flower pedals unfold

Tips of tongues touch heads tip, parched
Drinking life
Swallowing existence unnamed
Water and earth consummate
Now spent, we sleep

Ok, so what’s funny about this particular post is that I raised about $150 worth of heck (not a lot I’d say, I usually raise $400 worth of hell) about this post cuz I wasn’t tagged by my friend Raquita. I wasn’t in her 7 (for shame on her) to be tagged because as she so sea-haggardly reminded me I don’t blog that often. My husband, ( that’s Raquita’s husband actually) tagged me simply out of pity. That was sometime last month, so yeah, I’m bad at the blogging. I’m trying to get better though. Seriously (don’t judge me)

Okay 7 random things about me:

1) I can read upside down & backwards. A poet friend of mine named Anthony used to write backwards & upside down whenever he was writing as his “alter-ego”. It comes in handy when I’m reading to a large group of kids. ( I used to volunteer at the library monthly)

2) I can play and own a cello. His name is Marcel. I haven’t been able to play him in a while with me working like a slave. I’m not classically trained per se but can play classical music & some jazz. I only play for myself & my kid when I was in Vegas. It’s the only thing I like to keep to myself & not share. ( I don’t care how mad Queue gets)

3)I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade. It was an outlet when I was sequestered in my mother’s home with the madness that her addictions caused. I created & lived in the worlds I created & vented the things I could not say on paper. I tried to get published but was accused (none to subtly) by my teacher that I plagiarized my pieces & so I didn’t try again.

4) I am (was) traditionally trained in ballet, tap, African, & belly dancing. I am so not trained for any of that anymore.

5) Right out of high school, I became a  teaching assistant for Jr High School Choir. It helped me pay for college & gave me some job experience. It also helped reaffirm the fact that I really don’t like other peoples kids. (I am so not looking forward to the teen years with Joy, Cammy,Bria, nor Sophie)

6) I collect the state quarters. I know, I know everyone was all geeked when they first came out but it tapered off a bit. I still get geeked when I get a new one I don’t have yet. So far I have all of them.

7) I am the only female in my family (on my mother’s side) over the age of 18 that doesn’t have any children (physically secreted from their womb). That includes my youngest sister that is currently a senior in high school.

Dude, that was harder than I though. I can’t tag anybody cuz I only know like 3 bloggers (internets? Whatever) that actually read my stuff. And they have already been tagged.