Behind closed eyelids

So, Saturday was the big party for Adam & it turned out okay. Adam was happy & so was Jerry. That was the most important thing to me. Needless to say in the hours leading up to this thing I had to reflect that when ever Que & I start cooking for something important two thing always happen; 1) we will inevitably still be cooking something when the events start & 2) no matter how “simple” we start out with the menu it will always take at 48hrs to complete. We don’t know why it takes so long but it has so far. For her uncle’s funeral it took 2 days & we lost an hour. We thought the funeral started at 11am & it started at like 9am & we were still in the kitchen at 10am thinking we were almost done, nope. Then there was Christmas & it takes Que to tell you about that but in my defense I say, “If you’re not in the kitchen to cook or to help clean then there isn’t a reason for you to be there”. Thanksgiving was anther time but, I digress.

I call this entry culture overload because as long as I can remember I have never been at a party with so many random white people in my entire life. Most of Jerry’s friends are white & I adore each of them for the unique people that they are. Aside form my own friends they’re some of the most individually creative people I’ve ever had the immense pleasure to meet. I have my favorites (I’ll never tell) but all in all they’re just a great bunch of guys. The party went really well. Que & I were mindless zombies by about the middle of it but even that’s normal. The older people came first (& on time) stayed a while, ate, drank, & were for the most part merry. The only soar part of the evening is when one of Adam’s friends that I never met (Patrick) first invited four random guys to the house with out asking (party faux pas #1) but he them invited three more people no one knew at around 2:30 in the morning (major party faux pas #2). See, this is were I’m a little foggy. In most African American cultures we (as a people, for the most part) don’t invite a gang of people over to the house that aren’t family & close friends in the first place. When you actually go to a function you might bring along like a date. Not never n the history of Niggadom (to quote Kat Williams) to we just randomly invite seven people to an event that we were were invited to. It’s just not done, not if you don’t want your feelings hurt. You feelings & your ass kicked by the host. I don’t know, I v’e been told I’m a rude & I’ll admit that I am I don’t really like people. I did promise to be nice at this function, though (reference Christmas at Que’s) & for the most part I was up until the very end of the evening.

Patrick invited this friend of his, lets just call him Gringo. Why, because that’s what was on the back of his jacket & no one can remember what his name was for real. Have you ever gotten a bag vibe from someone just entering a room & you not liking them on site, that was Gringo. That was Gringo to everyone that was still in the house.  What’s worse than that is he actually works in the same place that I do but lucky for me I haven’t seen him. He was rude & obnoxious  & since by the close of the evening Patrick was so drunk he could hardly stand straight he couldn’t check his friend. And I would be remiss if I jut let him get away with being rude in my friends house so clearly (insert British accent here) I had to dispense with the witty barbs myself. In the end I made him leave & we all settled in for the morning at around 6:30-6:45am. I slept till about 10am (body clock), promptly cussed myself out & made me go back to sleep. Stayed awake till about 12:30pm. I had to get up because one of my friends needed to talk or vent I can;t remember but that’s an entirely different entry.

So this weeks has gone by in a blur, sort of. I haven’t been sleeping well but that’s not really anything new. I haven’t slept for any long period of time since I was about 14. But the only time I can remember sleeping a lot was when I was depressed. And I guess that’s what I am. I know everyone handles depression in a different way. Some people I know cut themselves, or scratch themselves raw. Other get into fights or go in drinking binges. SO all in all I think me wanting to sleep isn’t the worst thing I could do. I have a lot on my plate right now & it seems at though when I think I’m almost got my head above water where I can tread another monstrous wave comes & I have to start all over. So instead of staying up till 3 or 4 am I’ve been staying up till 7:30 or 8am which doesn’t leave a lot of time to rest since I have to be at work at 2:30pm. I can wake up about 10am or so but I don’t get out of bed to start my day till about 1pm.

I hate my job. No, that’s not altogether true. I actually like what I do I just don’t like the company I have to work for, if that makes any sense. Our client is coming up on the end of their contract & it’s important that they renew for another year, thus extending my employment. However, with all the astronomical amount of fuck ups that have been happening on the management end I would be extremely surprised if they renewed. I’ve been sending my resume through the various job site & haven’t gotten one interview. Which means…I don’t know what the hell it means.

Raquita’s husband Jerry has a best friend Adam tha’s visiting from Japan & she was commissioned by Adam’s parents to throw a little get together so everyone can look at him & see he’s okay & show him lots of love. Which is great cause I know that Jerry misses Adam a lot since he moved. I’m going to help wherever I can. That’s what I do, I help. My friends call or I see they need it & I help. As much as I can anyway. What I really want to do is go to my quiet apartment. My quiet apartment that has no TV ( I do have tons of music) , barely any food (that’s my fault, I’m never there), take my clothes off get on my air mattress & sleep till the madness in my life is over. Since I’m the only one that can fix the madness I guess I just have to rest till my sea hag best friend calls me (& she will call) to wake me up so we can begin to prepare for the oh-so pimptaculiar function to celebrate Jerry’s best friend

So for the last couple of nights I haven’t been getting to sleep in a timely manner which has resulted in me having to use caffinated suppliments to help me stay awake. I refuse to believe that I’m getting old & I can still survive on just four hours of sleep. But I find when I use these suppliments I tend to ramble in my speech. I will go off on these tangents of nothingness. Even in the emails I send to people just kind of ramble on. I ramble & skip around in my conversation. I told Raquita I was going to start taking the sleeping pills my doctor gave me but have yet to do so because, well, quite frankly, I hate taking any sort of medicine. I didn’t take it last night & ended up finally getting to sleep around 6:30am. I slep untill about 9:30am But didn’t get out of bed till 12pm when Que called. I knew I had errands to run & I wanted to do some much needed overtime at work but my day didn’t really get started till bout 2pm. WHich sucks for lack of a better word cause there’s traffic & I hate traffic. Plus it’s Friday & like myself people did get paid today so that has to be factored in. I sent an email to this guy I thought I liked but I haven’t heard from him. I left a couple of messsages but he hasn’t returned my phone call. Not only that but I’ve benn real kinda girly acting when it comes to him which I absolutely hate. So like most girls that are gluttons for punishment I called him again today. It was the first time I called him all week though, in my own defense. He wasn’t having a good day which made him a little snippy to talk to so that conversation only lasted about 2 mins. I need a hug. A really good unconditional hug. That’d be nice.

So, I’ve been really lazy lately. My goal for this week was to get up early enough to work a little overtime at my job but I can’t seem to get out of bed. I would love to blame it on the weather which has been kind of mucky & rainy. Or it could be that since I darkened my room with curtains very little light comes into my windows so my body clock is all the way off. I have been reading at night & like most avid readers I can’t stop reading the book till I’m either done or I’ve fallen asleep. It might not help that I’m an insomniac but I was such a good kid yesterday. After I came home from Raquita’s house (albeit, it was 2am) I didn’t read my book. I washed my face & brushed my teeth, lit some incense, & turned out the light. Unfortunately, I just laid there in the dark till probably 4 or 5am. The only reason I know that is because I was listening to Cd’s & they’re, what, about 60 to 80 mins long. I was just getting asleep by the time my alarm went off at 6:30am. I did get up earlier than I did yesterday. Yesterday I was in bed till like 1:30pm. I had to be to work at 3pm. Today I got up about nine, stayed in bed till about ten, Got ready to go to work early (see I’m a good kid) but then I got a phone call & didn’t get to work till about one this afternoon. I figure by the time the end of the work week comes & might be able to actually get there a 8am like I planned, hopefully.

Okay, so I’m still new to this blogging thing & I thought I was getting on fairly well. I started with blogger & with the help of my oh so talented bestest pal Raquita (you’ll get use to hearing her name) I had a pretty decent looking blog. I even started to try my hand at adding things in it myself but them the template stopped working & none of my text showed up plus my job blocked access to it so I couldn’t updte it as often as I use to. I couldn’t find another template I liked that was free so I thought I would try my hand at the word press thing with Raquita’s suggestion. And here I am

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